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It's better this way though. I can't even make myself cheerful at the littlest things now. How was I going to maintain a happy relationship when I'm hell bent on giving myself nothing but punishment?It's so sad that I let someone break me like this. Causing my life to turn upside down and make me hate life as well as myself. I can't even believe in myself anymore. I've lost the desire to create and bring laughter to others. I can't bring myself to want anything, to hope or even love.I don't deserve love anyway, not even love for myself. I did a horrible thing to someone else and deserve to suffer for it. Coincidentally, I've found a perfect way to do that. Sexual humiliation has become something I am rather good at taking and being used has taken over any of my previous sexual preferences.Finding the men is easy enough, especially when I tell them that I don't care who they are - something that seems mutual to most men nowadays. I don't think I've even asked their names the past few. I immediately picked up the faint but very distinctive aroma of Karla's perfume as I stood there next to her and I could also see that she'd left the top two buttons of her blouse unfastened and when she'd bend over to show me something, I got a very hot view down her blouse to the sexy demi-cup bra that was holding her tits. I loved what I was seeing. Karla had some very nice breasts and I only wished it was possible for me to get something more than a peek.Karla and I finished our little conference and I headed outside her office to my own work space. Again, I had gotten a hardon from the sexiness of looking at her and smelling her sensual perfume. Actually, I returned to my desk for only a few minutes and then I went to the men's room where I stroked my horny cock until I blasted a big load of cum from imagining that I was fucking Karla. She was a married woman but I didn't care about that. She was fucking hot and the more I was around her the stronger my sexy fantasies about her.
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