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The thought of him without shoes and pants runs through my head. He lifts his arms and clasps his hands behind his head. His tshirt rides up and a line of skin appears above his pants. I want so badly to run my fingers across his skin. To touch him there, so close to his cock that is hidden from view. We continue to talk and laugh but time and time again my eyes are drawn to that line of exposed skin., I want to lean over and kiss him, but he is leaning back a bit. Farther away than I would like. Too far away for a quick, casual kiss. I would have to lean over him to kiss him. Lay in his arms on the couch. I am again distracted by my desire to have Paul hold me and kiss me. Why is he keeping his distance? I know he wants me, but he is waiting for me to decide how today will play out. So we continue to talk, getting to know each other a bit more. Paul says he has to go back to work. I want him to stay longer. I thought he was mine for the whole afternoon. I don’t want our visit to. And behaving.My parents would never have understood. Or even recognized me. During that time.Sex. And drugs. And rock and roll. There was fighting in the street. I was a street-fightin' man. I was living a songwriter's dream.Marching and getting maced and looking at Hell's Angels dressed up as "security" and crying for the fallen here at home and cursing the fallen across the sea in another world and then going back to our little places to drink and eat and smoke and lose ourselves in sweat and saliva and secretions.Am I remembering?I think so.Nothing succeeds like excess. And I excelled at excess.A dozen or so of us in a small 2-bedroom apartment, a few in the kitchen fixing dinner for all of us, the rest in the main room, no lights on, candles everywhere. Groups of two or three on the couch, on the floor, in front of the dark television. On the closet floor.The music loud, a faint blue-white haze near the ceiling, Jimi and Janis, Airplane and The Lizard King looking silently on from.
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