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You had been hinting at that preference for some time, for me going hairless, but I had a strange fondness for my soft chestnut curls, that last vestige of my life before you. It was a selfish thing, a petty thing and not one you dwelt on, but I recognized that there was this thing you wanted that I was denying you and I could no longer reconcile that with my love for you.Did it hurt? Yes, it was among the more painful experiences I have had but more painful to me was denying myself you that night. It was late anyway and we had an early flight. You were satisfied with me kneeling before you, my bare chest jutting forward like the prow of ships in port, your penis sliding in and out of my mouth.G-d, I love you! You are the head of our little family, my protector, my lord, my friend, my lover, my husband, and your needs are my needs.I knew your need, I knew it primarily from your texts, the tension in the lines, the firmness and resolution in your decisions. You were in “must get. My mom and dad began smoking and drinking in front of us, something they had warned us so much about we now had to see. It was such a small thing but traumatizing to see my heroes falling. They separated, eventually divorcing, and moved us all hours away from our home where I was bullied, beaten, and called faggot on a daily basis.I was ten the first time I tried to [redacted] …” I was sobbing hysterically now, “but my little ten-year-old arms weren’t strong enough, so I put it down, a small scar over my heart showing my crime. This was the first mark on my body. Oh god… There are so many. The first was from that, some from being poked with cigarettes, the other all from [redacted.] Now my body has my entire childhood written on it, each one a memory of exactly what happened, when, where, who, and I’m left with no reason as to why.”I looked up to grab a tissue to clear my nose and saw that the therapist was also crying, lightly dabbing away her tears with her own tissue.“Every one of.
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