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No-one wanted atwenty-five year old singer who sounded like a member of the Vienna BoysChoir.Even so, he thought he'd stood a chance at a part as an orphan in therevival of 'Oliver!' until the casting director said he looked too old.And now it looked like he would grow old in his job as prop manager forthe State Theater.A chill set over him and he turned up the small space heater that was theonly barrier between him and the cold brick walls of the prop room. Andwhen he twisted the knob he turned the space heater towards a nearbyshelf where it began to heat up an old bottle until, "POP" the cork flewout of the bottle and nearly took off Bob's head. He dove to the floorand looked up to find a bedraggled genie staring at him looking likeshe'd been in the world's steamiest sauna."Just look at my hair, mortal! And I just had it done for the Caliph's4,000th birthday party," she screeched. "Now I have to ask that djinn todo it all over again and I do so hate his roving hands and eyes." Well. “Listen,” he said, “I know you can sing the notes. So why do you give me no passion? All the pictures we see of Ludwig make him look angry. I know. Angry - not sexy. We know little or nothing of his sex life.” He paused. The male members of the chorus looked away, one or two of my colleagues giggled quietly. “Or do we? Of course we do, and I will tell you how we know. What you are singing is Schiller’s Ode to Joy, isn’t it?. So think what gives you joy. Real joy. Then sing again for me and at the same time think of what you will do tonight when you are in bed with your partner. Then tell me Beethoven knew nothing about sex.” In the silence that followed, he picked up his baton and turned to the bass soloist. “From ‘O Freunde’ please Oscar.” Then back to launch us - all those prestissimo passages in the upper register. Faster and faster. Through that accelerating finale he urged us on with inspirational gusto. With passion. If the rehearsal was good, the concert itself was.
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