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I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.I changed my password to "incorrect" so whenever I forget it the computer will say, "Your password is incorrect."Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.Never tell your problems to anyone, because 20 percent don't care and the other 80 percent are glad you have them.Doesn't expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?Take my advice — I'm not using it.My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home. Dave and Julia were out with Jamie and Jackie, Sofia and Bethany were on dates, and George and Charlie had gone to a party at Theta Xi.“To the three of us!” I said.We clinked our glasses together and drank our sparkling grape juice.“So, how is this going to work?” Jessica said.“Steve, show her the drawing,” Kara said.I went over to the shelf and got the piece of paper with the drawings that had been prepared.“Wow! This is awesome!” Jessica said. “One for each of us?”“Yes, for our right hands. I need the two of you to pick out rings for our left hands. I tried to match the settings of your engagement rings so that whatever you decide on for wedding bands will work for both of you. You two should get together and pick out those wedding bands. Kara has access to my house account, and can pay for them.”“When?” Jessica asked.“Well, the rings won’t be ready until next month, and I figured we’d need some time to plan. ‘Where?’ needs to be answered, too. I know the bride is supposed to.
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