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When you faced that darkness you knew you were the only one there and that you couldn’t answer your own prayer.”Me: “Wait a minute, You’re saying I’m mad at myself?”Friend: “Yes.”I felt the truth of his words and it was like he had run me through with a sword. I was speechless. It took me a couple of days to process what he had told me. He was in fact, correct. In my heart, I had killed God. Nobody is home or on the throne.It’s a liberating, yet lonely thought. All my life, I have been told of a loving Father which is an image I clung to as I never had one. The Christian faith is burned deep into my soul/mind and even though I have no “faith” I still find comfort in it’s familiarity. I’m also Heathen and find comfort in the sagas of my ancestors and the images of Freyja, sweet Sunna, and Hel. The Disir I adore. What’s interesting is faith or no faith I’m observant enough to know that there’s things that go bump in the night that a .357 won’t do nothing for. They don’t depend on your. .can’t grip the soap” I replied. “O.K. Well, he’s getting a sponge bath tonight. I’m not getting in that stall with him” he said and left. I never left my room that night and went to sleep early. The next morning I got up to find Will was still there. He decided to take a couple of hours off and take Tim to the doctors to get his bandages off. I was relieved that I didn’t have to be the one to take him. I had been over the events with Tim again and again in my mind. There was no doubt that I had been just as guilty, if not more so, as he was. I couldn’t figure it out. My marriage was solid and while we didn’t exactly go at it like newlyweds, we still had sex occasionally. I just figured that the drop in my sex drive was a result of going through menopause. But since yesterday it seems that my sexual energy was in overdrive! When I allowed myself to think about it my pulse would race and I immediately got wet! The thing that scared me the most though was how intense my orgasm had been.
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