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...immersed in girlie thoughts and girlie emotions.But all the while, there is this fear in the background - a fear of being caught in her stockings and underwear. So whilst you indulge yourself in girlie ecstasy and effeminacy, there is this common discomforting interface with the real world as you repeatedly peek through the blinds, or from behind the curtains lest she arrive home earlier than expected. The guilt builds up and conflates with an intense shame.“Boys and men don’t dress up in stockings and women’s underwear and masturbate.” “Why does feeling all girlie and effeminate feel so good?”“I must be some kind of depraved pervert, a queer, a fag”. “What would she say, and do, if she caught you?”You start to develop dark imagery of being caught, exposed and humiliated. They fill you with intense fear but, through constant association with the sensual and emotional girlie pleasures you’re immersed in, and the erotic ecstasy of pleasuring yourself and slowly bring yourself to. But, when you are 16, horny as hell, introverted as I was, even a pudgy sister can look tempting.Not that I had ever got any relief from my sister. She was as modest as she was fat, and I could only imagine what her chubby tits looked like under the tight blouses she wore, and I was mesmerized when she wore jeans and the seam in the back would be up in her ass crack. But I never got to do more than glance at her butt.I recall once sitting at the dinner table, Colleen on my right, and noticing that her blouse was pulling apart between buttons. I could just see part of her bra, and the top part of her breast. As small a peek as this was, it still provided jerk-off fantasies for me for weeks.One summer evening of waterskiing, however, things changed for the better.Colleen liked to waterski, but since she was so pudgy, she always wore a one-piece bathing suit, and most of the time had a beach towel wrapped around her. She never laid in the sun on the beach, but occasionally we would take.
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