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The next morning the memory of her rape came back to her, and she felt nauseous. She staggered out of bed, thinking thankfully that she was on the pill, and had been since her freshman year (not because she expected to have sex, no, but because she was in college, and she could, and it helped with her skin and her cramps, and it made her feel mature). She leaned against the shower wall, hot water coursing over her slender body, her mind consumed by the events of the previous night. The fear, the shame, the overwhelming humiliation crashing in on her. It was so awful, she thought, so awful, even as something deep inside her whispered ‘kajira’, and her pussy throbbed.“No!” she said aloud, and then whispered, “No.” It wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t, she kept thinking, but she knew it was. “Oh god,” she moaned aloud, the shame making her close her eyes--it was her fault. By wearing that costume she had advertised her need; Jeff had seen her and had known. He had used her like she had. I shrugged my shoulders and said sorry. She said, it’s ok and continued to clean up. A few minutes later we were done. She asked me if I’d like a cup of coffee or cookies. I said yes because it would be weird if I refused. She walked into the kitchen and I followed her into the main room. I stood there for a few minutes and she bought me a cup of hot chocolate and some cookies she baked. She asked me about my work and I answered them to the point. It was getting real awkward for the both of us. She then looked down and said - you know it’s been over 12 years since my husband passed away. I said I was sorry. It’s ok, what you saw earlier is all I have to keep me satisfied. I did not know how to respond to that, had it been anyone else, I would have probably taken advantage of the situation but I could not get to here. We did not say anything till I finished my coffee and said I have clothes to pick up from the Laundromat and walked away thanking her. About an hour had passed; I was.
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