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This bothered me slightly until the consequences of our eventual actions were realized by me to be solely his, and another literary moment would be stolen for future reference. Lying on the bed, skin to skin, the universe couldn’t condemn us, after all, it felt so right ‘ kissing you is just like kissing myself, you are the female version of me’ yet we hid our tryst from others, which made it all the more exciting, and only heightened our sense of pleasure in dark, stolen moments. I felt comfort in his gaze, his desire ‘I wonder where you are and what you are doing’ and his jealously only made my previous heart ache swim that much further away. ‘Are you happy with your life?’ I asked, ‘only about sixty percent’ he replied. ‘Why?’ ‘I don’t feel like I can be myself, I’m pretending for others, it’s not like that with you’, ‘but you have to go home’, ‘ I can come and visit’, we both knew he wouldn’t, he had to much that he wasn’t willing to lose. The night of consummation, naked and. Any time John ever asked what Mandy and Kate did in a day, or were texting about or had just talked about, he was usually shot down with a glance away, a disappointing expression on her lips and a nonanswer. A change of subject usually followed. Maybe he could have tried with more tact. Maybe he could have felt less paranoid about Kate.Maybe he shouldn’t have felt so intimidated by her. Those nights where he and Mandy didn’t fuck, usually because she was out with Kate… were the nights that he felt ashamed. Those nights he found himself resorting to jerking off to pictures of Kate on the internet. She was busty, muscular, powerful and dominating.By the time John actually went to bed, it was close to two in the morning. With Mandy and Kate out clubbing, he’d spent a lot of time working. Not only had he finished his entire work load for the week but he’d cut through the backlog for the next few weeks. If all went well, he’d just push and commit on time for the next two weeks. He wouldn’t.
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