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It was pure anger that drove me on, anger that I knew wouldn’t last so Iwilled it to last long enough to reach the tube station at Holborn to pickup the central line back to Stratford. I was barely aware of the sheernumber of passengers and my anger lasted just long enough to get to theplatform and then the sadness and loneliness set it I felt tears welling upin my eyes so I put on my sunglasses to hide from everyone else.The train comes, the customary shuffle of letting people off before thethrong of people cram themselves into these speeding tubes of death waitingto happen. None of this matters however as I try to hold myselftogether. Why did he have to be such a shit, a thoughtless heartless totaland utter shit. Damn why was he like that, why was I so in love withhim. The hormones I had been taking for the past couple of years had notonly softened my skin and hair, it had also softened my heart. I felt adeep longing to be loved, or at least if not loved then at least. It was at the very moment when I thought that she was getting cold feet, that she smiled at me, between two sighs that invited me to come closer to her. Yet for a moment I remained there, not wanting to lose sight of the body that I have now hoped to discover again.This woman, so singular and beautiful carried in her a mystery, like a teardrop. One moment she was racy, another haughty, bourgeois, a little distant. It was obvious that she had experience of life and men. I imagined her to be a mother, sexually frustrated by an older husband leaving her behind. A married woman attracted by the image of a younger body that at least I can now show her. And then at times these almost c***dish attitudes, this body so firm and fresh that she could be a teenage girl, one caught being naughty and with her face blushing with shame. It's as if there are several women within her, or rather a woman constantly in a state of flux, trapped in a metamorphosis without end.And now, she here in front of.
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