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He had paperwork for both of us to sign that would start the process. We planned a memorial service for Brian and another for Todd. Brian's would be well attended by friends from our personal life and his work. Our parents were invited but didn't show. Our mother was with her latest boy friend and our father didn't respond at all."Beth," I said, "That is the last time I try to make contact with either of them. I can only tolerate so much and this is it. I'm particularly disappointed in our father. We didn't know what was going on with my mother and he knows that. He just disowned us. They will have to live without me in their lives."Beth said, "I understand. I don't understand why we're the bad guys. It was their marriage. I do know that Mom is trying to live younger than she is. Having children our age isn't possible with the age she now claims. I never did understand Dad's attitude and still don't. We'll just have to let it and them go."Brian's service was inspiring. Beth and I. It shouldn’t have bothered me, but something about his presence just changed the way my heart beat. It had been a long time since I had thought about a man that way. The last one was my daughter’s dad who we all referred to as “the asshole who ran out on you while you were five months pregnant”. My daughter was now seven years old. I was living behind some pretty thick walls and refusing to let anything with a dick in. Hmmm, maybe someone who worked with bricks for a living could figure out a way to get in and bring me out. He would be the one I would choose to let in. Sometimes I watched him talking to his guys, speaking Spanish, with his beautiful eyes flashing, and I wondered what he would do if I just walked up and asked to be taken. Probably ignore me like he always did. The day of our meeting started like any other with one exception. I had recently hired a personal trainer to get me back in shape for my 20 year class reunion. I wanted to go back looking just like I did in high.
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