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It was decided that from then on the girls would alternate pregnancies, Shinju winning the rock-paper-scissors contest that decided the matter of who got to go first. In fact she did again become pregnant nearly immediately, with Misaki also conceiving her next child nearly the instant Shinju finished giving birth. They continued this sequence for a good many years, Shinju bearing me five children before declaring herself done, and Misake bearing me four, combining to reach our sacred number of nine. We had five girls and four boys — an excellent mix! This actually gave the extended family including Rick and Pat, a total of ten children, but we pretended not to notice. ******* Rick and I declared our baseball retirements together at the end of last season. I had just turned forty, and Rick was a bit older. We were both playing still quite well, but we felt we ought to pass the torch on and quit before it was obvious that we were well past our primes. We often still attend home games. But what happens then? What if it doesn’t work out the way we imagine it will every night? Who knows why, but I think it’s a valid fear. And if we leave it unsaid, we will continue to have our hearts scream at us. One word. Put into a sentence, three words total. I feel it, I know I do. I’m just so freakin’ afraid to say it. It’s almost as though as soon as it is said, the floodgates will open, and god only knows what will happen afterwards. And what if we meet other people in our regular, day to day lives? You know as well as I do it’s a possibility. Although you seem to think it’ll happen to me first, I truly believe that it could happen with you too. And it’s also a fear of mine. What if I put myself out on the line and get crushed when you reveal to me that you’ve found someone closer to you, someone you can actually be with? Oh, the thought kills me. And I know you worry about it too. The way you lightly joke about it belies how serious a concern it is for you. I know if I make.
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