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I wanted the browbeating to stop. I figured my job was cooked anyway.“They pestered me about whether I thought I was WORTHY of being loved. I realized I wasn’t worthy so long as I kept thinking of women as something to conquer, fuck, and dispose of. That was like the greatest epiphany I’d ever had in my life. I was sobbing at that point. I really did want to be loved. I want to be a lover, too. I confessed all that to them.“They kept getting in my face. I realized this was like a miniature boot camp experience. They’d broken me down and were starting to rebuild me. They told me how I was supposed to behave in the office, how I was supposed to think about each of the women I met, what I was supposed to dream about at night, and even what kind of porn I could watch when I jerked off. They went through every part of my life in detail – the actions, my responses, my emotions, my thoughts, my habits, my compulsions, and my desires.“I was a basket case. They loaded me back in the car and. " They weren't real friends - not like you. I have missed you," she says, lunging at me again for a hug. "I just moved here and can't believe you are here too!"I may as well get this over with. "So, how is he?" Who the hell cares," she says laughing. "He cheated on me. I think I knew he wasn't the one, somewhere in the back of my mind. I don't know what I was thinking." You seemed so in love." I think I was in love with being in love. You know what I mean? Young and stupid. In truth, the only one I still think about from back then is you."I sigh and look away."What?" she asks, reaching up to turn my face back to hers."It's just that I never stopped thinking about you either. I regret not telling you how I really felt, but I didn't seem your romantic type." You were interested in me? But, aren't you gay? I mean ..." she says, gesturing to my costume."No, Jess. I'm straight. Everyone always assumes drag queens are gay. Some are, some aren't. I am most definitely not. It is hard to.
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’ You may well understand, dear reader, that a soft word from a beautiful woman to one in some minor distress as I was can be a great comfort. I found myself leaning into her embrace and a small tear slid from my eye. She held me to her making comforting noises and stroking me. ‘Does it not get cold at night?’ I looked up into her almond eyes and agreed that indeed it did. ‘We could share our warmth, might that not be pleasant?’ I said nothing but she smiled. ‘I shall come to you later and we will warm each other.’ I retired early and extinguished my candle. I lay in my narrow bed and thought of the pleasure of sharing it with Maria, enjoying her warmth and presence. The door opened and closed softly behind her and I caught but a fleeting glimpse of her white nightgown. Then in the darkness I felt her slip into the bed and I made room for her. It was snug but she was indeed warm and we lay face-to-face and our lips met. It was the tenderest of kisses and her hands roamed over my arms.

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