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End Diary EntryDiary Entry: January 2007I can't do this anymore. The more I think about my family and my jobthe more I realize how much of a liar I am by keeping my real feelingsand real self from them. I feel terrible about it. It's bogging medown and filling me with dread. How am I supposed to have thatconversation?End Diary EntryThis was a really confusing time for me. I remember it like yesterdayand it was one of those periods in my life where the highs were veryhigh and the lows felt really low. I was all over the map at times; oneday feeling so good about myself, the next feeling like a fat cow/guy ina dress, the next day being in control of my emotions, the day afterbeing a wreck. It was troubling. Growth I suppose. I was growing,wrestling with issues and emotions I wasn't completely understanding. Iget it now for the most part, but back then I was just a baby. I lovemy next entry - I go from worrying about telling my parents to ...Diary Entry: January 2007I am a. I still did not know why Isabelle insisted on her panties’ protection. All I knew now was that it was a protection that had almost failed last night. It was not meant as a barrier against me. During the day, Isabelle and I were intimately close. But I shied away from asking while we rested on a bench or shared a coffee. Everything seemed just right for us to talk about what was wrong. But, primarily because of the language barrier, I kept stum.After dinner, back in our room, it was Isabelle that finally broke the silence. Emerging from the bathroom, she wore in addition to her panties a skivvy. She opened the bar-fridge and asked what I wanted to drink. We settled on vodka. I had sat up in bed, and she joined me. Strengthened with a sip of vodka, Isabelle set bravely to the task.In a mix of French and English, gestures and frustrated pausing, she told me that she had been ill: She had been in hospital in Tokyo until the day of her flight. Pointing to her lap, she said she was not.
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